My childhood has been something of a disappointment.  It was happy and all that, but I never experienced any of those ‘growing up’ conversations where ones parents would try to explain some strange fact of life, such as sexual reproduction.  The subjects were never mentioned, and my sexual education came from a very detailed and educational book entitled ‘Let’s Talk About Sex’.  It was assumed that I would know all I needed to know, or at least, I would lean sometime.

 

Now, you are probably be wondering where this is going.  As my loving father frequently reads this weblog it is not going overly exciting.
While I have been left to learn the ways of the world myself, dad was not going to leave anything to chance as far as newspapers were concerned.

 

After making sure that I was aware that papers like ‘The Sun’, ‘News of the World’ and ‘The Times’ would not be welcomed into his home, he put down his yoghurt and muesli to teach me my first (unexpected) lesson.

 

How to read The Guardian Newspaper. 

• Buy a Guardian, while it will cost considerably more that 15 pence the in vestment is well worth it.  Stealing is a thuggish act which is likely to get you on the front cover of a paper like ‘The Sun’ and we wouldn’t want that now.
• Once you have purchased your paper (available at any reputable newsagent) open the paper and remove the G2 magazine section.  Look and enjoy the Steve Bell comic strip.
• After laughter subsides, open the main paper to the centre page.  Look at the full two page spread picture.
• Now turn back to the beginning of the paper.  Remember to read the contents page before you skip through the news sections reading anything that attracts ones eye.
• After that, read a selection of articles from the Comment and Analysis Section.
• And finally, when throwing out the paper, forget to recycle it.

 

While I have slightly exaggerated the points of this lesson to make it into something worth of being blogged my father more or less has the art of reading The Guardian figured out.

 

As far as ‘coming of age’ rituals go, I’m guessing ‘newspaper reading 101’ is far from the worst!

 

However, he is not without fault.  When searching through my paper, he insisted on licking his fingers to aid the turning of pages.  Any publication which as been so thoughtfully designed – such as The Guardian - should be respected.  While white gloves are not required, have a little respect for the print on the page.  Don’t lick the pages!

©2008 The Blog of Ross C Brown. All Rights Reserved.

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Today, it is my aim to slip the word ‘Hyperforeignism‘ into a conversation.  Here are the rules:

It must be in context.

I can not initiate the conversation.

A definition:

“When pronunciation and spelling of foreign loan words are erroneously based on rules that apply to other foreign words but not to those in question, the phenomenon is hyperforeignism.”

With a bit of luck, someone will start a conversation with me about Mardi Gras! Hint! Hint!

Does anyone know the title of the music used on the Total Oil ‘Our Energy is Your Energy’ television ad?  If you do, please leave a comment as I would really like to know.

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A while ago I wrote about a few problems I was having with OpenDNS.  Not because OpenDNS are in anyway a bad operation, to the contrary they are ‘law abiding’ eCitizens - that was the problem.

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